I kinda understand what you are going through. I too can be quite grumpy and I hide my feelings from the people I have grown to love. But, unfortunately, when I hold it in like I do everything that I've been holding in comes out 10x worse. But I really don't think you have anything to worry about, really. If I'm reading this right it seems that your friend was poking you with little needles all day, you held your anger/annoyance/irritation in for as long as you could before whatever she did just made you snap. That happens. Whether its a friend, loved one, family, whatever. If someone's pushing your buttons you are eventually going to snap.

But I think that you will learn from your experience, I really do.

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I am..... an arteest.

Can I have some syrup with that rofl?

A good friend once told me that hod your emotions in is like waiting for volcano to blow it's top one day. I agree with him... and with you my friend. Your words reach out to me and I'm glad you exist at this very moment in my life.

As for me learning from this experience? I really hope I learn to be a better person,

But I know I'm not an evil person of any sorts,

--
design brings food to the table; art feeds the soul

Aw thank you lovely. I'm glad I was able to help you out . That's a really good way to describe it, a volcano ready to erupt...because that is reeeeaaaalllllly true. And I don't think you're an evil person, you're just normal.

--
I am..... an arteest.

Can I have some syrup with that rofl?

Why are you angry? Why has it built up all these years?
I am sure it's not your friend's fault, it just was the cherry on top. And this situation probably made you aware that things have built up too much. But you gotta find the root of your anger and deal with it before it gets worse. If it's the same things that annoys you over and over again, figure out why?
Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself.

Hope you'll be able to patch things up with your friend.

Praying for you

--
design brings food to the table; art feeds the soul

The funny thing is, over the time it took for me to reply to your comment, I've patched things up... sort of... and ended up in another argument like a few hours ago.

You might be right about the bottled up frustrations that are now leaking out without my control. I don't think I can do this alone. I'm actually seriously considering seeing a psychiatrist. These people should know how to help me deal with the issues... right? lol No idea.
I'm really looking to god for help and I think he's guiding me... so what the hey, we'll see what happens,

I thank you for your prayers, max
You are really quite something,



--
design brings food to the table; art feeds the soul

I am glad to hear that you are looking to God for answers. He is the only one that knows you best.

Can I share with you something from what happened in my life lately? It's long so bear with me
I know for me, lately I have been frustrated with my life as well and have been having a hot temper. Mostly due to not having a job, my parents having silence wars with each other (those are the worst, I wish they yelled and let everything out already, instead of making the house a tomb), most of my friends being gone after graduation due to jobs and the fact that they live far, turning 26 (not having much accomplished till this age does put a dent in my mood, and at that point my bachelors degree didn't even pop into my head), not really knowing what kind of career I really wanted to do.
Well all this brought me to the worst point three days ago.
I had realized that I was bored with life, unmotivated to do anything, lonely and without passion for anything really, no big dreams either, no more "when I want to grow up I wanna be ...". I was already grown up and frozen. I didn't know what next step to take, my whole life was at a stand still. Emotionally and professionally.
I was so low that I was thinking "this is how suicidal people must feel like" and if I wasn't a child of God (Christian), saved by Jesus' grace alone, I would not have stopped. I was at the point in my life where I realized that there was no point to life, I just totally didn't know what to do with myself, I was literally laying on my bed and was numb. And then God through His grace and through His Spirit made me realize that there is no point to life Without HIM. Life sucks, is boring, painful, unmotivating, and fleeting without Him. He is my purpose. Worshiping, serving, loving Him IS my purpose.
Only through Him can I see beauty in life, and joy and peace. Only through Him can this world make sense. Only by putting my life in His hand and fully trusting Him can I go on knowing that He has it all planed out for me. A job, friends, purpose in life. As long as I trust Him I am not bored anymore. I am not annoyed anymore. I am not anxious and nervous about my future anymore. I am not saying all is peachy and nothing will go wrong anymore. What I am saying is that He is the reason I keep living. He made me curious. Why am I still alive? Just remembering all those times when I was so close to being in a car accident and His hand totally protected me. I want to find out why. I want to know His plan I want to live long enough to see His grace and glory fully displayed in my life.

And so I truly pray that He will heal you. Because I am 100% convinced that He loves you so much. He showed me that He loves me too, so many times and I felt so useless and unworthy of His love, and yet He still does. Day by day. He is so faithful even when I push Him away and I doubt He is even listening. But He is there. He is close to you as well. He made it clear that we don't have to be complete, know everything, be accomplished to call on Him. It is through our brokenness that He makes us complete.
And no matter what you are going through Mohamad, coz I don't know what you are going through, only He knows.
He knows and is waiting for you to give up your burden to Him.

May God's grace be with you

Dorothea

--
I am..... an arteest.

Can I have some syrup with that rofl?

Wow, thank you for sharing this very personal story with me. I really appreciate you honesty,

As I was reading your story, I could easily relate to that moment where nothing is worth it. Everyone goes through insecure moments. Inadequacies in life is really very normal. But when every possibly negative feeling one has about oneself, about life and in general, just about how to end all the unnecessary pain... that's when your heart feels the heaviest and your thoughts center around the most horrid of feelings.

I made myself a promised a long time ago. That I will never be the direct cause of my immediate death. Suicide is really an act that's disgusting and very cowardly in my book. Sometimes I like to think that it's only because of that promise I made so many years ago that I'm still alive today.

I'm not a religious person. I don't think religion is worth all the fanaticism that it attracts. But I never stopped believing in god. The older I got, the easier it got for me to feel his presence. No matter how much farther I got from my Islamic obligations, I never once thought that he didn't exist. And this year has been a very trying one for me emotionally and I realized that only person who never let me down was god. And that's something that will never change. He makes it easier for us to get through our day and indeed our lives,

And please, call me Hanif,

May God guide all of us to salvation from our worldly desires and towards our true purposes on this world.

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design brings food to the table; art feeds the soul